I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
