Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
