Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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