k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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