I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
