Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
