dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
