Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
