Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
