if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
