so that wasnt chicken after all
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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