ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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