he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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