You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
