hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
