I only kidnapped one of them. chill
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My ATM looks so different sober.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
