why didn't you poke me back
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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