I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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