there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
