I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
