do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dignity is for republicans.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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