There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
too bad you live with your parents still
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
