Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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