eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
