At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
