Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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