I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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