i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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