I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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