She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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