Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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