you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
