a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
