just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
