Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
