Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
