So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
