so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
