Please, let me fuck your mom
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
