i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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