I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
