I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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