I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
