i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
