I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
