At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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