: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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