Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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