fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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