i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
