i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
