Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
