nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
